Just Say No to Guilt and Shame For Eating!


Randy's watched me go through the whole gamut of emotions; frustration, panic, sense of urgency, impatience, shame, guilt, happy excitement, insecurity, then confidence.  Even at my worst and obese he always called me his lovely wife.  Here we are in Rome, Italy.

Randy’s watched me go through the whole gamut of emotions; frustration, panic, sense of urgency, impatience, shame, guilt, happy excitement, insecurity, then confidence. Even at my worst and obese he always called me his lovely wife. Here we are in Rome, Italy.

It’s easier said than done!

This is all so much easier said than done.  I’ve been there too so I know.

We all test our boundaries with calories both up and down.  It’s never the end of the world.  Really!  It’s simply part of the learning process.

Always your body is the end game.  Not the calculator, not the chart, not the theory, not what the fitness guru said or did, not what works for someone else, and certainly not what someone else tells you to do.

I am not hungry.  Do I have to eat up to my maintenance calorie level?

I see a lot of comments and questions from those new to this process:

I am not hungry.  Do I have to eat up to my maintenance calorie level?

No one around here is going to tell you that you have to eat when you are not hungry.  You own this.  You get to decide.  Part of the freedom of our program is that you take ownership of what you put in your body.  We don’t tell you when to eat, what to eat, or how much to eat.  You get to own it now.  The calorie calculator is just a starting point for you to start your own experiment from.  It’s a suggestion.  It’s a starting point.  It’s an estimate (actually a very close and accurate estimate – but still an estimate).  Ultimately you get to decide.  The answer is in your own body.  Your body really is the end game.

This is hard for many to get used to because we got so used to the years of yo-yo diets and people telling us about good foods and bad foods.

Taking corrective action is not how you are meant to live life!

For many people when there is still a lot of body fat and even though you have yo-yoed all over the map with diets – you actually can eat at a fairly aggressive deficit – if you haven’t already had a history of doing so – and feel perfectly fine.

It can be kind of fun. You think wow this isn’t so bad.  You get used to it.  You adjust to it.  You get so happy that the scale is going down that you don’t want to stop.  You sort of get addicted to seeing the scale go down.  Then you feel guilty for eating up to maintenance.  Or you don’t feel hungry and don’t feel like doing it.  Or you are afraid of gaining weight.  Usually it’s a combination of all these things.

At some point you need to stop the deficit or take a break.  It is corrective action for a health problem and it is not how you are meant to live your life.

If you eat too low for too long you and keep doing it you will crash and binge.  No one is immune from that.  It’s happened to me a couple of times and I learned from it.  It’s not the end of the world.  You learn and you move on.  And if you love your body and want to take care of it you break this cycle right away – the eat low – binge – beat self-up/guilt/shame – eat low – binge cycle is not healthy for the mind, body, or spirit.

It’s something you learn – the sooner the better

Then you learn to eat up just a little.  Not over eat, just normal eating for you.  You should not feel guilt for this, or fear, but we all go through a phase of this after we lose weight.

We have fear of gaining it back.  But really, we all test this boundary too.  If we eat a little too much the weight creeps up a bit.  No big deal.  We learn and we take corrective action (not fun!  Never is!) And it’s really not the end of the world either.  In fact it’s part of the maintenance cycle.

You never reach your goal and just stay there – we all have these little mini cycles to deal with for the rest of our life.  The more you do this – the more you learn your boundaries.  It’s never the end of the world – but sometimes the emotions get out of hand and you panic.  Don’t panic.  Take a deep breath and do what needs to be done.  It’s really not that big a deal.  Learn and move on. Take care of that precious body.

It’s recovery from the stress

Maintenance “eat up” days are recovery days from the calorie deficit.  They are just like rest days from your workouts.  It gives you a chance to recover and rest from the deficit.  This is important for your sustainable fat loss.

It’s training for your new life

We all flounder when we achieve our fat loss goal.  We pinch ourselves and feel like we are in a dream.  We float on compliments.  We feel like impostors in our own bodies.  It takes a while for our mind to catch up to our body.  We also have fear of losing our success.   We fear eating.  Yet if we had taken little maintenance “eat up” breaks we would already have learned that there is nothing to fear.  We would have already trained ourselves for this stage of the game.  Taking a break from the deficit truly is “training” for the day that will come – when you reach success.  It will help you keep your success and it will help reduce some of your “floundering” with your new self and your new life.

Taking ownership is freedom!

I love the freedom.  Eat what you want, when you want, you get to decide.  You own your body.  You own what you put into it.  You own the consequences.

When I first learned this I was amazed at how it made me feel.  Never again will I allow someone to tell me to eat when I don’t want to.  If I go to a birthday party and decide I don’t want cake – no one can make me eat it.  But if I want some cake that is my choice too!  Total freedom.  Total ownership.

We will not tell you when to eat more either.  You get to decide.  You get to learn the lessons.  You get to test the limits for yourself.  But those of us who have been there and done that will at least give you this information so that you can make the best choice for yourself.  It’s still your choice.

I know it’s hard but stop the guilt and stop the shame.  Let yourself learn your limits.  Know that your body is the end game.  When you eat too much it stores fat.  When you eat the right amount it mostly stays the same.  When you actually learn to have a slight deficit you can maintain a short cycle of fat loss.

I know it’s hard to take the emotions out of it, and the sense of urgency and fear.  But those are never going to make things happen faster. The body adjusts in its own way, its own time – and likes to have love and care.

So this is just a quick note to remind you to just say no to guilt or shame from eating.  Every day is a perfect day to make good choices.  And whatever you choose – it is probably not the end of the world!

Have a great weekend!


About Roberta Saum

Roberta is a 56 year young Elite Trainer at 1st Phorm. She achieved her fitness dream at age 50 here at The Venus Factor. She is a Fitness Consultant/Motivator for Hopelessly Romantic Media Productions, Venus Factor Coach, Product Developer, Brand Ambassador, Contest Administrator, Author, Editor in Chief for the Venus Factor, and 1st Phorm Ambassador.

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