Ten Thousand Ways that Won’t Work

“Ten Thousand Ways that Won’t Work…”

As I finally started finding success with my weight loss I exclaimed to my husband Randy “I can’t believe how simple this is yet I failed at it for at least 15 years!

So Randy reminded me of the quote Thomas Edison made regarding his process for inventing the light bulb:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”Thomas A. Edison

Randy and I both laughed at how I found probably the 10,000 ways how not to lose weight!   Although the victory is still sweet for me, you don’t have to take 15 years and wait until you are 50 years old like I did.

Lifelong Eating Habits Engrained

As a young child I grew up in a poor family with four siblings and a single mom who tried her hardest to care for us under extreme adversity.  This was in the 1960’s and although we lived in the land of abundance it did not always make it to our table.

This was back when bringing food stamps to the store felt shameful yet my mom held her head high and did what she could to provide for us.  I remember how she treated all the food in the refrigerator as a precious commodity.

Circa 1969, I am on the far left and that is my identical twin on the far right.

We didn’t go out to eat much and she prepared healthy meals for us and packed our school lunches.  She would get mad if we tried to skip breakfast and she was always there in the morning to cook something simple like one fried egg and a piece of toast with butter.

We didn’t have a lot of snacks.  On occasion we might get a treat and go to taco bell.  I laugh at the memory of it because there were 5 or 6 menu items to choose from, all pictured up on the overhead wall.  Looking back, I think she had it right back then.

But I also remember her making us popcorn and placing it in a big bowl in the middle of a round table. All of us kids sat around the table and scarfed it down as quickly as we could afraid that others would get more.

Overall I think this season of my life taught me to appreciate the food we had and to not mindlessly eat.

The next season of learning about food happened for me in the foster homes I lived in after that.  I was fortunate to live with a Filipino family and an Italian family who both taught me how to cook their ethnic foods.

I was always ambitious and loved to be the one who cooked dinner and receive the praise for the meal.  We prepared our food at home and going out to eat was a rare treat.   At this point I started eating more and eating seconds was encouraged in both families, but I was young enough and luckily wasn’t too chubby (yet).

This was probably where learning about food portions started becoming distorted for me.

Me at California International Marathon a while back.

Learning to Love Exercise

My first high school job was as a summer camp counselor and I decided then that I loved the outdoors and being physically active.

I started my first full time job at a high tech company during my senior year of high school. The company I worked for encouraged physical activity and the work environment was like a college campus.  There was a par course and running trail, gyms, locker rooms, showers, basketball and volley ball courts, and even a softball park.

I took an aerobics class in the campus gym when I was 19 years old and that is when I met a 50 year old instructor who had the body of a teenager.

The image of her always stuck in my mind and I decided I wanted to be like her when I was 50.

I didn’t stick with the aerobics class because it didn’t fit my schedule but I learned that music made exercise more fun.

I started running outside and lifting weights at the gym and bought my first Walkman.  Walkman’s were expensive and it was a big clunky thing that used cassette tapes and ran on double A batteries but it was well worth the investment.  It helped me look forward to exercise (If you are not feeling like working out, music will always give you that needed pump).

If you are like me then you may also hate running and even weight lifting. However, if you stick to it for some time, you will start seeing some amazing results and the positive effect exercise can have on your mood and life in general, and you WILL LOVE IT.

The Slow Weight Gain Creeping up, Sounds Familiar?

The fact that I spent my lunch hour exercising meant I had to pack my food rather than go to lunch with other employees.

For years I packed my food and ate when I could during breaks.  These were habits that serve me well today.  What I didn’t realize was that my portions were still too big and I ate too much.

I exercised hard and at one point realized I had run six miles a day, six days a week for 10 years, along with weight lifting and other physical activities.

This was in the 1980’s when eating fat free and high carb was the in thing and so I did this for many years.  The memory makes me cringe now.  All the running made me hungry and I ate too much.

I ate this way for years while running marathons and couldn’t figure out why I was not the athlete that I wanted to be.

As time went on my weight kept doing the slow creep up so I tried several popular diets which only worked temporarily and some didn’t work at all.

These were the diets I tried (if you been in involved in this industry for a while chances are you’ve tried them too):

  • Low fat high carb
  • Slim-Fast
  • Weight Watchers
  • Atkins
  • Organic
  • Weston Price Diet
  • The Schwarzbein Principle
  • Eat Fat Lose Fat
  •  The Ultimate PH Solution
  • The Makers Diet
  • A  friends diet from a personal trainer/dietician

I finally just got sick of it all and made up my own diet with healthy foods I enjoy and smaller portions.

I ate my meals from small desert plates and bowls.  I stopped eating in the evenings.  I started calling what I did mini-meals and mini-fasts and I lost 40 lbs.  Then I found Eat Stop Eat, The Venus Index Workout, and the Venus Index Community.

I recently read the Anything Goes Diet.  I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in losing weight or maintaining fitness.  I found this book to be amazingly insightful and John Barban covers all bases.  Honestly the book is so good that I can’t see how you wouldn’t succeed if you actually read the book and followed the principles.  It gave me some new ideas for my own maintenance plan.

Even though we still have so much diet confusion and conflicting advice in the media it seems like the simple truth is buried there, eat less, move more.

Here are some examples where the truth does exist in sometimes humorous ways.  I do not necessarily agree with everything in these articles but you can see some points of truth:

After attempting various diets and eating restrictions over the years I have learned to cherry pick from them and found what works for me.  Some days I temporarily change things up and eat low carb or try something different.

Still, my all-time favorite books about thinking of successful ways to eat are John Barban’s Anything Goes Diet, Brad Pilon’s Eat Stop Eat, and Bethenny Frankel’s “Naturally Thin”.

 

Before and After.  The slowly the weight crept up year after year, but the Venus Factor gives you hope.

Before and After.  Slowly the weight crept up year after year, but the Venus Factor gives you hope.

Don’t get Discouraged by Failures

Don’t get discouraged by failures.

Every successful person has failures and part of why they are successful is that they learn from their mistakes.

It is just like Thomas Edison inventing the light bulb.  You don’t have to reinvent the light bulb or the wheel.

The tools are right here right now.  Using the available tools may not stop you from all your mistakes, but you can keep your chin up and learn from them.  Most likely these tools will prevent some wasted effort and you won’t have to wait until you are 50 years old to achieve your dream.

If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.

Thomas A. Edison, Encyclopedia Britannica

US inventor (1847 – 1931)

Since you don’t have to learn the 10,000 ways how not to lose weight like I did, what are you waiting for?

It is never too late to follow your dreams!

-Ro

Transformation is a Family Affair!

You Become Those with Whom You Associate

Just as you are the sum of the people closest to you, you and your family members influence one another both now and in the future.

Today, I’ll talk about how our children are affected by how moms treat and view their own bodies as well as how they relate to their daughters. As I am female and have daughters, this will be slanted towards mothers and daughters.

My beautiful girls before I began my transformation

My beautiful girls before I began my transformation

Mothers and Daughters Have a Special Relationship

Your mother’s influence shapes you well past childhood.

In listening to the Venus Index podcasts, I’ve noticed this theme a number of times. Some of the contest winners reveal in their interviews that their mother started discussing dieting when they were very young. Others, myself included, are concerned with helping our daughters grow up to be a healthy size and maintain excellent self-esteem.

How do you predict the future results of actions taken today?

Clearly moms have the best intentions but it doesn’t always come out the way we’d hoped.

Here are a few interviews where the moms discuss how transformation is a family affair.

My mother made a brave effort to overcome the misconceptions and poor body image her mother bestowed upon her: a super human effort, really, considering how she was raised.

She unintentionally led me astray with some misconceptions about appropriate measurements; she taught me that measurements didn’t correspond to height so I always assumed I should have the exact same measurements as a much shorter woman.

It wasn’t until I discovered Venus Index that I found out that ideal measurements are directly linked to height. She also led me to believe food was something over which we had no control.

I grew up in a home with a locked box and learned to binge and sneak food very early on. I was forced to choke down abhorrent meals that someone else deemed suitable (or sneak them into the trash when everyone finally gave up waiting for me to finish) and was the self-pronounced “World’s Pickiest Eater” until well into my teens.

As women, as daughters, as mothers, we are aware and noticed perhaps more than men. While mothers wish the best for their daughters, there are always choices to be made and it can be decades before how we did is revealed. As my mother did, I tried to learn from the mistakes of the previous generation.

We are all, hopefully, doing the best we can.

Stealth Fat Loss: Is It Possible? Is It Right?

In Elisa’s case, she felt it was the best choice to go stealth with the methods she was using to reduce body fat.

After checking in with herself, she realized that it was actually best to be honest and forthcoming. While her son was apparently indifferent, her daughter was happy to have this topic brought into the light because she had indeed observed what was going on and not discussed.

Like Elisa, I have had to tread carefully on this topic.

While we do not necessarily need to share every aspect of our adult lives with our children, nor would it be to their benefit, to what extent is it wise to keep a process such as a physical transformation from them?

  • How does our transformation process affect those to whom we are close, regardless of whether we are open and forthcoming, or not?
  • How does our own attitude about the process affect our daughters?
  • How did our mothers’ attitudes about their bodies and relationship with food affect ours?

I would argue that these issues are critical to shaping who girls become as women and being honest and open will only serve to help our daughters in the long run.

As someone who is always checking out to the long-term repercussions, I thought it would be wise to check in with friends.

It turns out this is a VERY touchy area indeed.

Many women are struggling with body image issues stemming from decisions their parents made in the best interest of their kids, or so they believed, decades ago.

I have never been shut down so quickly on any topic!

I’d add discussing the weight of girls to religion, politics and money as taboo!

Yet I persevere!

The research I did was no more enlightening. All I learned was that growing bodies need calories but no one is quite sure how many and that during the years a girl is developing into a woman and starting to menstruate it is no time to even consider doing anything so risky as cutting calories.

All the online calorie tracking software is for adults. It seems that if you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having a child who wants to slim down, and who should, you are going to have to go it alone. (As a side note, as women, we are also informed that during pregnancy and nursing it is not safe to consider cutting calories. Again, most people do not want to risk touching this subject.)

You Can’t Control Your Children, You Can Only Influence Them

When I became a mother, I was shocked to find myself unable to control my older daughter’s weight.

It didn’t help that I didn’t yet have the right information. When I was informed by a doctor at her 5th birthday checkup that she had an “excess of adipose tissue” and that I should cut the junk food, I was not amused. While it was clear to me that she was overweight, she’s never actually eaten junk food and it was so much harder than the idealistic mother of imaginary children that I used to be could ever have foreseen to reduce her body fat.

It certainly did not help that I had also become fat and exhausted and was still operating under the misconception that exercise was the key to fatloss. I felt a total failure as a parent since I didn’t have the energy to move with her and I did know enough to realize I needed to set the example.

Lead by Example

Sure enough, when I started incorporating exercise into our lives on a regular basis, my husband and kids indeed followed suit!

So great, right?

Only the unfortunate results were underwhelming. As our diets did not address our caloric overages, we didn’t get where I expected. Also, I noticed both flattering and not so flattering mirrors of my actions.

Some of my earlier diet attempts before I got the right information involved cheat days.

These quickly turned into a full-blown family fiasco!

Once I began calorie counting, my daughter was very interested and I was at a loss as to what to tell her. The most important message I could give her is that she is beautiful and that I love her, right?

But on the flipside, dishonesty does not serve and I have to admit I wanted to find a way to support her to safely slim down while still growing.

How do you answer your daughter truthfully when she asks if she is fat?

What do you do about the series of emotions visible on your face before answering, “You’re beautiful and I love you”?

She noticed, of course.

How could she not?

She is female and we know from an early age the importance of appearance.

Does she dismiss your answer?

Is it best to say more or leave it at that?

What do you do when your daughter announces that she is fat.

How do you help and guide her when she sees that you are making changes and she asks you what she can do to change her body?

Being Lean Is Not the Only Goal!

It’s not all roses with my younger daughter, by the way.

Although she is naturally lean and strong, she could give me a run for my money for that “World’s Pickiest Eater” title. I thought she’d outgrow it. She will announce that she’s “not hungry” one bite into a meal.

We notice her attitude and strength are affected when she goes without food for too long.

Well meaning friends and family often commented on her eating habits and how “skinny” she was. I used to spend endless hours worrying over how little she ate (keep in mind my reference points were my husband, myself, and my older daughter, and all three of us were growing increasingly more overweight) and constantly trying to tempt her into eating more. This made mealtimes generally unpleasant.  I am old enough to remember when nearly all children where her size so I am somewhat ashamed to have capitulated to peer pressure in this regard.

So what’s next?

Obviously, we have made significant progress in the last four years. In the next installment, I will discuss how my husband and I were able to help our older daughter achieve her goals in a safe and sustainable way while preserving her self-esteem not just now, but hopefully, for the rest of her life. I will also discuss how we have learned to embrace the brilliant eating habits of our younger daughter while at the same time learning from the example she sets.

Are you with me?

Does anything in you’ve just read resonate with you?

Or irk you?

Let’s hear it!

 

Cardio or Diet For Weight Loss

Is this really going to help with weight loss?

It seems that many people believe that cardiovascular (“cardio” for short) exercise is necessary for weight loss. The reality is that you can lose weight without doing a second of cardio if you want to.

I’m not saying that you should avoid cardio, but as far as weight loss is concerned it’s not a requirement.

There are many other health benefits to doing regular cardiovascular activity but physiologically and psychologically. Activity and movement is good for your overall sense of well being and there are innumerable benefits that can’t be listed here…unfortunately weight loss isn’t one of them.

Losing weight is dependent upon creating a caloric deficit. In other words, burning more calories than you consume.

With that said it’s obvious that exercising and ‘cardio’ can help you burn a few more calories…BUT, and this is a big BUT…it’s much easier to overeat far more calories than you can ever exercise off.

For example, it might take you or I a solid 90 minutes of ‘cardio’ to burn off 300-400 extra calories…but it would only take us about 2 minutes to eat an extra muffin today that has about 350 calories…

So what is the better option? Find a way to avoid the muffin, or commit to a 90 minute cardio workout?

The point is cardio can help with burning a few more calories, as long as you don’t overcompensate by eating more food. And this is the catch 22 with doing more and more exercise…it stimulates hunger (not to mention it makes you more tired and lethargic at other times of the day)

In other words, you can’t just fix more with more. You cannot simply decide you want to overeat 1000 calories today and try to exercise off 1500 calories. It’s simply not possible.

It’s a much better proposition to shoot for a calorie deficit below BMR (basal metabolic rate) by eating less calories…and then consider any extra calorie loss you get form exercise as a ‘bonus’.

At least this way you allow some wiggle room for the inevitable cookie attack or ice cream meltdown that tends to happen throughout a busy stressful work week.

In todays first ever Venus Index podcast we tackle this question and try to determine how you can use cardio to help compliment your weight loss efforts.

If you can’t listen to the audio you can download the transcript:

Download Transcript –> Cardio or Diet for Weight Loss

John

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